waiting for an invitation

photo: flickr

An open letter to women who shop in the men's department. . .

Dear Ladies on the Men's Side of the Store,

I appreciate your need to peruse the articles of clothing in local department and/or clothing stores in sections assigned to members of the opposite gender. While I cannot, without speaking to you, know your specific reasons for crossing the center aisle, I assume it has something to do with a desire either to dress your man like a Ken doll or to adorn yourself in asexual, "comfy" attire.

Either way, please let us be clear about one thing: when you, as a female, shop in the area designated for men, you are in our way. Yes, rules of free-market capitalism operate on a first-come, first-served basis, but far more should be considered in the perpetuation of polite society.

For one, you have your own section. This is not some sexist, chauvinist tirade by yet another man who thinks he owns the world. Legitimate reasons exist why you might be browsing our trousers, so I am not requesting that you leave. Rather, I simply ask that you stand down your shopping as we pass. I have more use for those khakis on clearance than you do.

For another, simply because you understand our clothing more than we understand yours does not mean that you should assert your rights under the "menswear" sign. I may not be able to identify racerbacks, tankinis, or halters in a police line-up, but were I to wander over to the land of dresses, skirts, and capris, I would defer to you.

The issue really comes down to two facts:
1) I have more potential use for whatever item you are browsing than you do. Even if you were sent to the store by your husband, brother, son, or otherwise naked person in your life, your use for pants, boxers, button-down shirts, or sweater vests is secondary at best. You can safely assume that if I am shopping at all, I fully intend to wear my purchases myself. Which leads me to my second point . . .

2) Men and women shop differently. From the second I enter a store, I am on a search and acquire mission. I know what size I wear, what colors look good one me, and the entire inventory of my closet at home +/- one sock. You, however, are on a blissful stroll through meadows of pinstripes and ties. You touch each and every piece, regardless of style, size, or color, and you create in your mind a JC Penney catalog of the men in your life wearing the apparel, smiling, and throwing a football before a whole-family barbecue. This is, of course, all before take out the cell phone to discuss your loved one's sizes, preferences, day, childhood, and what should be had for dinner. Let me through, and your imaginary frolic may resume as soon as I briefly glance at the three items in the store that could even possibly meet my needs.

Is it not enough that most sections of any given store are geared toward you? Womenswear, Juniors, Cosmetics, Housewears, etc. Please, just give me this one thing. I am not even asking you to leave the section.

Let's not make this a big issue. No apologies necessary. Knowing looks exchanged while you step aside and I pass through the section are all I need.

Just Trying to Buy Pants,
Me

P.S. Don't send me hate mail. I'm joking.
P.P.S. Seriously though, move.